4 Things Project Needlemouse Needs
Article by Toby Jones. Fancy text by Dylan C. Lathrop. Illustration by Madeline Queripel.
By now we're all intimately familiar with the Sonic Cycle- the painful and seemingly endless pattern of fleeting hope and crushing disappointment that comes with every new release starring the prickly blue rodent. With the newly announced Project Needlemouse the cycle begins anew, and here is my personal list of things the game needs to do in order to avoid being yet another embarrassing mess.
"Cool" may have been Sonic's calling card since his introduction in America, but these utterly charming pieces of art from the early 90s seem to imply that his coolness-level wasn't of such importance over in Japan. Since the Dreamcast era the Sonic franchise has tried everything in a desperate attempt to stay "Cool": swords, guns, motorcycles, and (sigh) telekinesis. None of these have worked, and the character now stands less "Cool" than ever. Fortunately somewhere during the last decade "Cool" has finally kicked the bucket (or apathetically leaned on it so hard that it tipped over) and Sonic can now be freed from the shackles of his 'tude. Let's start with losing those green eyes and gaining a few pounds, hmm?
The 16-bit Sonic games come from a time when pesky things like "plot" were tucked away in instruction manuals where they belong. Once the number of bits entered the triple digits, though, everything went downhill. Loyal fans were callously subjected to seemingly endless cutscenes filled with unbearable voice acting and moronic writing. With this in mind, I hereby requisition Sonic Team's dialogue privileges. Forever. If there must be a story, it is required to be in pantomime like the good ol' days.
Yes indeed, the age of cringe inducing butt-rock must now come to an end. The original Sonic games featured some of the best video game music of all time, making the current state of things all the more heartbreaking. It's time to fire the person responsible for choosing the music in the recent games. Fire him and demand back any money he made.
... Because by now, a miracle is the only way to be sure.
By now we're all intimately familiar with the Sonic Cycle- the painful and seemingly endless pattern of fleeting hope and crushing disappointment that comes with every new release starring the prickly blue rodent. With the newly announced Project Needlemouse the cycle begins anew, and here is my personal list of things the game needs to do in order to avoid being yet another embarrassing mess.
"Cool" may have been Sonic's calling card since his introduction in America, but these utterly charming pieces of art from the early 90s seem to imply that his coolness-level wasn't of such importance over in Japan. Since the Dreamcast era the Sonic franchise has tried everything in a desperate attempt to stay "Cool": swords, guns, motorcycles, and (sigh) telekinesis. None of these have worked, and the character now stands less "Cool" than ever. Fortunately somewhere during the last decade "Cool" has finally kicked the bucket (or apathetically leaned on it so hard that it tipped over) and Sonic can now be freed from the shackles of his 'tude. Let's start with losing those green eyes and gaining a few pounds, hmm?
The 16-bit Sonic games come from a time when pesky things like "plot" were tucked away in instruction manuals where they belong. Once the number of bits entered the triple digits, though, everything went downhill. Loyal fans were callously subjected to seemingly endless cutscenes filled with unbearable voice acting and moronic writing. With this in mind, I hereby requisition Sonic Team's dialogue privileges. Forever. If there must be a story, it is required to be in pantomime like the good ol' days.
Yes indeed, the age of cringe inducing butt-rock must now come to an end. The original Sonic games featured some of the best video game music of all time, making the current state of things all the more heartbreaking. It's time to fire the person responsible for choosing the music in the recent games. Fire him and demand back any money he made.
... Because by now, a miracle is the only way to be sure.